Friday, May 29, 2009

Donald Rumsfeld's Exit Strategy OR Is it Raining?

I am sure everyone remembers Donald Rumsfeld.  Ex-Secretary of War Defense.  Remember the brilliant exit strategy he held for getting out of Iraq?  Well, I am growing convinced that I Mr. Rumsfeld went to work for 815.  He is fast asleep at work in a secret bunker beneath the Cathedral, probably in one of the catacombs. There he is plotting the exit strategy for the Episcopal Church for the diocese of San Joaquin, Quincy, Pittsburgh and Fort Worth.  I was told however that he was captured by Mr. Dick Cheney, currently hired as a consultant interrogator for Pete Akinola and Greg Venables.  He has been water boarded until such time as he (Mr. Rumsfeld) gave up the necessary intelligence to discover the real plan for bringing back those parishes and missions that absconded with the family jewels.  The secret plan developed by the effervescent TEC higher-ups is : 

Lets pee in the ear of the laity and tell them it is raining! The Archbishop of Canterbury was interviewed when this information came to light and was quoted as saying"Brilliant! Just Brilliant".  Of course he was drinking a Guinness at the time.  The Presiding Bishop, standing on the deck of her aircraft cathedral, was quoted as saying, "Mission accomplished!".  

That is correct.  Here is the latest.  The diocese of San Joaquin has decided to bring the first parish back from the dead brink of conealonialism and not only celebrate the return but kill off the local parish that has stood by the Episcopal Church during the dark days when there was no bishop, there was no presence, there was nothing but evil bearing down on this Godly and Christian family.  That bears repeating, this parish is slated for destruction (pick as many as apply) because:

1, It owes money;
2, It is a stones throw from the church coming back and has picked up some "heavy hitters" from St. Paul's that may go back;
3, St. Paul's is a "big church" with a grand location;
4, St. Paul's has a continuing day care;
4, the Bishop has decided to take up "temporary" residence there;
5, the Bishop does not understand nor appreciate the trauma this parish has been through;
6, it is easy to do;
7, it requires no thinking;
8, all the above. 

Well, ladies and gentlemen, it is good to know we won!  Whoop de flippin' do! 

By the way, as part of the prisoner exchange we got Rumsfeld back in exchange for a processional cross and a player from Colorado Springs to be named later.  Rumsfeld has since gone to work for the Catholic Church and was last seen in the catacombs of Rome. 

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